Being away from home wasn't really difficult since I've been out for nearly three years now, but knowing they're not as close as always was a bit heart wrenching since I lost my only true friend while I was away and couldn't say goodbye properly. My baby, she was called Tita, my dog. She was 13 years old and living in such a cold weather led her to joint pains, arthritis and later on a heart attack. I miss her so much now that I'm on vacation @ home, but I know the suffering is gone for her and that keeps me sane.
I also learned that we haven't got our life granted, I almost lost one true friend I haven't spoke with for years, and when I thought he was gone I felt awful, my world started to crumble with all the letters never written and the words unspoken. Lucky enough, everything passed and we could talk to each other again, now we are in touch permanently, having cleared out everything that kept us apart in the past. We keep reminding each other that our love and friendship is really important even with all the kms between us and the hours of difference. One thing is certain, when he has trouble sleeping, I'm always there to keep him company.
Yes, this year I had loss, but I also found love in places where I didn't find possible, nobody ever said to me that finding a best friend and acknowledging her was like finding your soul mate. We always think love is just a romantic thing, but it's not, and that's what I discovered this year. This love is the kind of love that makes you stronger and happier. You don't need to be together 24/7 because you know in your heart that distance doesn't matter, you love each other no matter what, through drunkness or soberness, through exams and daily homeworks, projects and contests, you love each other always.
I got offered a job, I had the opportunity to retake sports after a rehab period. Now I'm running and doing yoga again. I also had some mishaps. Started to slowly introduce animal products to my diet after a couple years of vegetarianism. And as every year, I changed my hair, once again. This year wasn't a huge change, just blunt bangs and medium hair. After having blue, purple, red, green, gray, turquoise hair and a mohawk, it was the least radical change I could think of.
2014 hold on. I'm coming with more plans and I'm eager to try new experiences. I love new. This year I'll be 21 but I'm loving 20. This year I'll continue traveling and learning, hugging and kissing, knowing and missing, I'll continue to move through this world with a smile in my face since being happy is all I can think of. I'm so blessed with family, friends and lovely sunsets.
I send hugs to all of you out there I know it's not always easy to wake up and get out of bed, but after we think a bit we do, and as the day goes by we are happy we did. I've been down, I've been at my bottom, now I'm going up, forward. I don't regret any decision I've made, since it took me to where I am now. Yes, it was hard. Yes, I also thought it would never be over, but you know what? Even if my heart is broken again, I'll fix it and love with all of it again, even if I get exhausted and sleep 2 hours, I'll keep being a perfectionist at school, even if I don't get a full crow pose, I'll keep doing yoga. Even if I have a bad day, I'll try to see the bright side since I know I'm living.
2014 is just an excuse for me to use a new agenda. Get rid of toxic relationships, and leave behind bad memories for good. Just as it is every day, every sunrise.
I know there may be a lot more people out there recovering from something, be it an ED, breakup, loss or whatever. Know you are not alone, I'm here with you. I've struggled too. You can be happy too.
